Chronically Confused Computer Users

Helpdesk: What kind of computer do you have?
Customer: A white one.
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Customer: Hi, this is Celina. I can't get my diskette out.
Helpdesk: Have you tried pushing the button?
Customer: Yes, sure, it's really stuck.
Helpdesk: That doesn't sound good. I'll make a note.
Customer: No, wait a minute, I hadn't inserted it yet.
It's still on my desk! Sorry!
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Helpdesk: Click on the 'my computer' icon on to the left
of the screen.
Customer: Your left or my left?
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Helpdesk: Good day. How may I help you?
customer: Hello. I can't print.
Helpdesk: Would you click on 'Start' for me and .
Customer: Listen pal, don't start getting technical on me!
I'm not Bill Gates, damn it!
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Customer: Hi good afternoon, this is Martha. I can't print.
Every time I try, it says 'Can't find printer'.
I've even lifted the printer and placed it in
front of the monitor, but the computer still
says he can't find it.
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Customer: I have problems printing in red.
Helpdesk: Do you have a color printer?
Customer: Aaaah....................thank you!
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Helpdesk: What's on your monitor now Ma'am?
Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought
for me in the supermarket.
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Helpdesk: And now hit F8.
Customer: It's not working.
Helpdesk: What did you do, exactly?
Customer: I hit the F-key 8 times like you told me,
but nothing's happening.
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Customer: My keyboard is not working any more.
Helpdesk: Are you sure it's plugged into the computer?
Customer: No. I can't get behind the computer.
Helpdesk: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back.
Customer: OK
Helpdesk: Did the keyboard come with you?
Customer: Yes
Helpdesk: That means the keyboard is not plugged in.
Is there another keyboard?
Customer: Yes, there's another one here. Ah...
that one does work!
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Helpdesk: Your password is the small letter a as in apple,
a capital letter V as in Victor, the number 7...
Customer: Is that 7 in capital letters?
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Customer: Couldn't get on the internet.
Helpdesk: Are you sure you used the right password?
Customer: Yes, I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it.
Helpdesk: Can you tell me what the password was?
Customer: Five stars.
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Helpdesk: What antivirus program do you use?
Customer: Netscape
Helpdesk: That's not an antivirus program.
Customer: Oh, sorry...Internet Explorer.
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Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a
screensaver on my computer, but every time I
move the mouse, it disappears!
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Helpdesk: Microsoft Tech Support, may I help you?
Customer: Good afternoon! I have waited over 4 hours
for you. Can you please tell me how long it
will take before you can help me?
Helpdesk: Uhh? Pardon, I don't understand your problem?
Customer: I was working in Word and clicked the help button
more than 4 hours ago. Can you tell me when you
will finally be helping me?
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Helpdesk: How may I help you?
Customer: I'm writing my first e-mail.
Helpdesk: OK, and what seems to be the problem?
Customer: Well, I have the letter a, but how do I get the
little circle around it?