Do not eat natural foods. I used to eat a lot of natural foods
until I learned that most people die of natural causes.
Gardening Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are
removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If
it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.
The easiest way to find something lost around the house is
to buy a replacement.
Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead.
An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.
If quitters never win and winners never quit, then who is
the fool who said, "Quit while you're ahead?"
Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach that
person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks.
Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in
hospitals dying of nothing.
Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days,
no one talks about seeing UFO's like they used to?
Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.
All of us could take a lesson from the weather; it
pays no attention to criticism.
Why does a slight tax increase cost you $200 and a substantial
tax cut save you 30 cents?
In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now
the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
How is it that one careless match can start a forest fire but
it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
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