Once again, The Washington Post has published the
winning submissions to its yearly contest, in which
readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for
common words.
And the winners are:
1. Coffee (n.), the person upon whom one coughs.
2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much
weight you have gained.
3. Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever
having a flat stomach.
4. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.
5. Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent.
6. Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which
you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightgown.
7. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.
8. Gargoyle (n.), olive-flavored mouthwash.
9. Flatulence (n.) emergency vehicle that picks you up
after you are run over by a steamroller.
10. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.
11. Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.
12. Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified bearing
adopted by proctologists.
13. Pokemon (n), a Rastafarian proctologist.
14. Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his
conversation with Yiddishisms.
15. Frisbeetarianism (n.), The belief that,
when you die, your Soul flies up onto the
roof and gets stuck there.
16. Circumvent (n.), an opening in the front
of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.
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