Cat Got Your Tongue?

"If you need your daily chuckle................this is by far the most painful (for men) and funniest (for women) to read.

We've all had trouble with our cats, but I don't think we can top this one:

Calling in sick to work makes me uncomfortable. No matter how legitimate my excuse, I always get the feeling that my boss thinks I'm lying.

On one recent occasion, I had a valid reason but lied anyway, because the truth was just too darned humiliating. I simply mentioned that I had sustained a head injury, and I hoped I would feel up to coming in the next day. By then, I reasoned, I could think up a doozy to explain the bandage on the top of my head.

The accident occurred mainly because I had given in to my wife's wishes to adopt a cute little kitty. Initially, the new acquisition was no problem. Then one morning, I was taking my shower after breakfast when I heard my wife, Deb, call out to me from the kitchen.

"Honey! The garbage disposal is dead again. Please come reset it."

"You know where the button is," I protested through the shower pitter-patter and steam. "Reset it yourself!"

"But I'm scared!" she persisted. "What if it starts going and sucks me in?" There was a meaningful pause and then, "C'mon, it'll only take you a second."

So out I came, dripping wet and buck naked, hoping that my silent outraged nudity would make a statement about how I perceived her behavior as extremely cowardly. Sighing loudly, I squatted down and stuck my head under the sink to find the button. It is the last action I remember performing.

It struck without warning, and without any respect to my circumstances.

No, it wasn't the hexed disposal, drawing me into its gnashing metal teeth. It was our new kitty, who discovered the fascinating dangling objects she spied hanging between my legs. She had been poised around the corner and stalked me as I reached under the sink. And, at the precise moment when I was most vulnerable, she leapt at the toys I unwittingly offered and snagged them with her needle-like claws.

I lost all rational thought to control orderly bodily movements, blindly rising at a violent rate of speed, with the full weight of a kitten hanging from my masculine region.

Wild animals are sometimes faced with a "fight or flight" syndrome. Men, in this predicament, choose only the "flight" option. I know this from experience. I was fleeing straight up into the air when the sink and cabinet bluntly and forcefully impeded my ascent.

The impact knocked me out cold.

When I awoke, my wife and the paramedics stood over me. Now there are not many things in this life worse than finding oneself lying on the kitchen floor buck naked in front of a group of "been-there, done-that" paramedics. Even worse, having been fully briefed by my wife, the paramedics were all snorting loudly as they tried to conduct their work, all the while trying to suppress their hysterical laughter.... . and not succeeding.

Somehow I lived through it all. A few days later I finally made it back in to the office, where colleagues tried to coax an explanation out of me about my head injury. I kept silent, claiming it was too painful to talk about. Which it was.

"What's the matter?" They all asked, "Cat got your tongue? If they only knew?"

Girlfriends

I'm only as strong as the cocktails I drink, the hairspray I use, and the girlfriends I
have. Here's to you! Why do we only have parties for each other when one of us gets
married, pregnant, has a birthday, or retires?


What would most of us do without our sisters, confidants, and shopping, lunching and traveling
girlfriends? Let's celebrate each other for each other's sake! Pass this on to your girlfriends!
If you get this twice or more, you are lucky to have more than one girlfriend. Be happy!


Someone will always be prettier. They will always be smarter. Their house will be bigger. They will
drive a better car. Their children will do better in school. And their husband will fix more things
around the house. So let it go, and love you and your circumstances.


Think about it.


The prettiest woman in the world can have hell in her heart.


And the most highly favored Woman on your job may be unable to have children.


And the richest woman you know, she's got the car, the house, the clothes....might be lonely.


And the word says if "I have not Love, I am nothing." So, again, love you. Love who you are.


Look in the mirror in the morning and smile and say "I am too blessed to be stressed and too anointed to be disappointed!"


"Winners make things happen. Losers let things happen."


"To the world you might be one person, but to one person you just might be the world".

Old Duffel Bags

A man walked into a supermarket with his zipper down.
A lady cashier walked up to him and said, "Your barracks
door is open." Not a phrase that men normally use, he
went on his way looking a bit puzzled.

When he was about done shopping, a man came up and said,
"Your fly is open." He zipped up and finished his shopping.
At the checkout, he intentionally got in the line where the
lady was that told him about his "barracks door."
He was planning to have a little fun with her so when he
reached the counter he said, "When you saw my barracks door
open did you see a soldier standing in there at attention?"

The lady (naturally smarter than the man) thought for a
moment and said, "No! No I didn't. All I saw was a disabled
veteran sitting on a couple of old duffel bags.

Duck Texas Style (crafty ole Texas farmer)

A big city lawyer went duck hunting in rural Texas. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of a fence. As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing. The litigator responded, "I shot a duck and it fell in this field, and now I'm going to retrieve it."


The old farmer replied, "This is my property, and you are not coming over here."


The indignant lawyer said, "I am one of the best trial attorneys in the United States and, if you don't let me get that duck, I'll sue you and take everything you own. The old farmer smiled and said, "Apparently, you don't know how we settle disputes in Texas. We settle small disagreements like this with the "Three Kick Rule."


The lawyer asked, "What is the Three Kick Rule?"


The Farmer replied, "Well, because the dispute occurs on my land, first I kick you three times and then you kick me three times and so on back and forth until someone gives up."


The attorney quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that he could easily take the old codger. He agreed to abide by the local custom. The old farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked up to the attorney.


His first kick planted the toe of his heavy steel toed work boot into the lawyer's groin and dropped him to his knees. His second kick to the midriff sent the lawyer's last meal gushing from his mouth. The lawyer was on all fours when the farmer's third kick to his rear end sent him face-first into a fresh cow pie. The lawyer summoned every bit of his will and managed to get to his feet.


Wiping his face with the arm of his jacket, he said, "Okay, Now it's my turn."


The old farmer smiled and said, "Naw, I give up. You can have the duck."

Picture of the Day

When Cloning Goes Bad...

Eagtriver...


Weinerowl...


Hornedgordog...


Persian Tiger...


Horstiff...


Dogkey...


Tigerfinch...

Picture of the Day

Why Chocolate is better than SEX!!!

* You can GET chocolate.

* "If you love me, you'll swallow that"
has real meaning with chocolate.

* Chocolate satisfies even when it has gone soft.

* Two People of the same sex can have
chocolate without being called nasty names.

* You can make chocolate last as long as you want it to.

* You can have chocolate even in front of your mother.

* If you bite nuts too hard, the chocolate won't mind.

* You can safely have chocolate while you are driving.

* The word "commitment" doesn't scare off chocolate.

* You can have chocolate on top of your workbench/desk
during working hours without upsetting your co-workers.

* You can have chocolate any time of the month.

* You don't get hairs in your mouth with chocolate.

* When you have chocolate it does not keep the neighbors awake.

* You can ask a stranger for chocolate
without getting your face slapped.

* You can as many kinds of chocolate as you can handle.

* You are never too young or too old for chocolate.

* With chocolate there's no need to fake it.

* Chocolate doesn't make you pregnant.

* Good chocolate is easy to find.

* With chocolate, size doesn't matter.

Picture of the Day

Why Parents Go Nuts...!!!

A boss wondered why one of his most valued employees had phoned in sick one day. Having an urgent problem with one of the main computers, he dialed the employee's home phone number and was greeted with a child's whisper.

"Hello."

"Is your daddy home?" he asked.

"Yes," whispered the small voice.

May I talk with him?"

The child whispered, "No."

Surprised and wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked,
"Is your Mommy there?"

Yes," whispered the small voice.

"May I talk with her?"

Again the small voice whispered, "No."

Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave a message, the boss asked, "Is anybody else there?"

"Yes," whispered the child, "a policeman"

Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked, "May I speak with the policeman?"

"No, he's busy", whispered the child.

"Busy doing what?"

"Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the Fireman," came the whispered answer.

Growing more worried as he heard what sounded like a helicopter through the earpiece on the phone, the boss asked, "What is that noise?"

"A helicopter" answered the whispering voice.

"What is going on there?" demanded the boss, now truly apprehensive.

Again, whispering, the child answered, "The search team just landed the helicopter."

Alarmed, concerned and a little frustrated the boss asked, "What are they searching for?"

Still whispering, the young voice replied with a muffled giggle: "ME"

How Do You Eat Your Oreo's?

OREO Eater's Personality Guide

Psychologists have discovered that the manner in which people eat Oreo cookies provides great insight into their personalities. Choose which method best describes your favorite method of eating Oreo's:

1. The whole thing all at once.
2. One bite at a time
3. Slow & methodical nibbles examining the results of each bite afterwards.
4. In little feverous nibbles.
5. Dunked in some liquid (milk, coffee...).
6. Twisted apart, the inside, then the cookie.
7. Twisted apart, the inside, & toss the cookie.
8. Just the cookie, not the inside.
9. I just like to lick them, not eat them.
10. I don't have a favorite way because I don't like Oreo's.

Your Personality:

1. The whole thing: This means you consume life with abandon, you are fun to be with, exciting, carefree with some hint of recklessness. You are totally irresponsible. No one should trust you with their children.
2. One bite at a time: You are lucky to be one of the 5.4 billion other people who eat their Oreo's this very same way. Just like them, you lack imagination, but that's okay, not to worry, you're normal.
3. Slow & Methodical: You follow the rules. You're very tidy and orderly. You're very meticulous in every detail with every thing you do to the point of being anal retentive and irritating to others. Stay out of the fast lane if you're only going to go the speed limit.
4. Feverous Nibbles: Your boss likes you because you get your work done quickly. You always have a million things to do and never enough time to do them. Mental breakdowns & suicides run in your family. Valium & Ritalin would do you good.
5. Dunked: Every one likes you because you are always up beat. You like to sugar coat unpleasant experiences and rationalize bad situations into good ones. You are in total denial about the shambles you call a life. You have a propensity towards narcotic addiction.
6. Twisted apart, the inside, and then the cookie: You have a highly curious nature. You take pleasure in breaking things apart to find out how they work, though not always able to put them back together, so you destroy all the evidence of your activities. You deny your involvement when things go wrong. You are a compulsive liar and exhibit deviant, if not criminal, behavior.
7. Twisted apart, the inside, and then toss the cookie: You are good at business and take risk that pay off. You take what you want and throw the rest away. You are greedy, selfish, mean, and lack feelings for others. You should be ashamed of yourself. But that's OK, you don't care, you got yours.
8. Just the cookie, not the inside: You enjoy pain.
9. I just like to lick them, not eat them: Stay away from small furry animals & seek professional medical help - immediately.
10. I don't have a favorite way, I don't like Oreo cookies: You probably come from a rich family, like to wear nice things, go to up-scale restaurants. You are particular & fussy about the things you buy, own, and wear. Things have to be just right. You like to be pampered. You are a prima donna. There's just no pleasing you.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Thoughts To Ponder

Do not eat natural foods. I used to eat a lot
of natural foods until I learned that
most people die of natural causes.

Gardening Rule: When weeding, the best way
to make sure you are removing a weed and not a
valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out
of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.

The easiest way to find something lost around
the house is to buy a replacement.

Never take life seriously.
Nobody gets out alive anyway.

There are two kinds of pedestrians:
the quick and the dead.

An unbreakable toy is useful
for breaking other toys.

If quitters never win and winners
never quit, then who is the fool who
said, "Quit while you're ahead?"

Health is merely the slowest possible
rate at which one can die.

The only difference between a
rut and a grave is the depth.

Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day;
teach that person to use the Internet and
they won't bother you for weeks.

Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday,
lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder
these days, no one talks about seeing UFO's like they used to?

Whenever I feel blue,
I start breathing again.

All of us could take a lesson from the weather;
it pays no attention to criticism.

Why does a slight tax increase cost you $200
and a substantial tax cut save you 30 cents?

In the 60's, people took acid to make the
world weird. Now the world is weird and
people take Prozac to make it normal.

How is it that one careless match can start a forest
fire but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

Picture of the Day

The Water Bearer by Austin Repath

A water bearer in India had two large pots, each hung on each end of a pole, which he carried across his neck. One of the pots had a crack in it, and while the other pot was perfect and always delivered a full portion of water at the end of the long walk from the stream to the master's house, the cracked pot arrived only half full.


For a full two years this went on daily, with the bearer delivering only one and a half pots full of water in his master's house. Of course, the perfect pot was proud of its accomplishments, perfect to the end for which it was made. But the poor cracked pot was ashamed of its own imperfection, and miserable that it was able to accomplish only half of what it had been made to do.


After two years of what it perceived to be a bitter failure, it spoke to the water bearer one day by the stream. "I am ashamed of myself, and I want to apologize to you." Why?" asked the bearer. "What are you ashamed of?"


"I have been able, for these past two years, to deliver only half my load because this crack in my side causes water to leak out all the way back to your master's house. Because of my flaws, you have to do all of this work, and you don't get full value from your efforts," the pot said.


The water bearer felt sorry for the old cracked pot, and in his compassion he said, "As we return to the master's house, I want you to notice the beautiful flowers along the path." Indeed, as they went up the hill, the old cracked pot took notice of the sun warming the beautiful wild flowers on the side of the path, and this cheered it some. But at the end of the trail, it still felt bad because it had leaked out half its load, and so again it apologized to the bearer for its failure.


The bearer said to the pot, "Did you notice that there were flowers only on your side of your path, but not on the other pot's side? That's because I have always known about your flaw, and I took advantage of it. I planted flower seeds on your side of the path, and every day while we walk back from the stream, you've watered them. For two years I have been able to pick these beautiful flowers to decorate my master's table. Without you being just the way you are, he would not have this beauty to grace his house."


Moral: Each of us has our own unique flaws. We're all cracked pots. But it's the cracks and flaws we each have that make our lives together so very interesting and rewarding. You've just got to take each person for what they are, and look for the good in them. There is a lot of good out there. There is a lot of good in us! Blessed are the flexible, for they shall not be bent out of shape. Remember to appreciate all the different people in your life! Or as I like to think of it--if it hadn't been for the crackpots in my life, it would have been pretty boring and not so interesting...


Thank you for being my crackpot friends!

Picture of the Day

25 Tips to Communicating Better

� Conversations need room to grow if they are to reach
their full potential. Research shows that we spend a
lot less time talking to people close to us than we
imagine. Yet oddly, when a conversation is really
working well, the time seems to fly by.


� Make conversations like dancing: a two-way
partnership, with neither side dominating.


� The 'stitch in time' rule applies to communication as well.
Studies show that many of our more 'difficult' conversations
(the ones that turn into battles) could be avoided by
staying in more regular contact. In other words, a
chat a day can keep the arguments at bay.


� Every conversation is a potential learning experience.
We can all make our lives richer by understanding the
experiences of others. Having a conversation with
someone is like exploring the pages of an
encyclopedia full of valuable knowledge.


� How other people see you greatly influences how
they approach you in conversation. If there
are negative sides to your reputation as a
communicator, work hard to change them.


� Try to avoid the Blame Game. Use "I"
statements rather than "you" statements when
talking about your thoughts and feelings.


� Unless you're able to recognize your own feelings,
you won't be able to express them clearly and be open
with other people. If you are not able to recognize
other people's feelings, you'll only ever
understand part of their picture.


� Many misunderstandings arise from faulty
assumptions about all kinds of facts and feelings.
So when in doubt, say what you mean and
encourage the other person to do the same.
Hinting isn't good enough.


� Blaming the other person for not understanding
you - or for you not understanding them - is pointless.
While you can't be responsible for the other
person's efforts, you can for your own.


� Don't bring up important issues where there isn't
the time to deal with them properly or
if the circumstances are wrong.


� Use the opening part of a conversation to be
up front about why you'd like to talk and what
your main point is. You'll engage the interest of the
other person and help them understand what follows.


� Talk in a way that's about real things, real
experiences and real feelings. Aim to be
the central character of your stories.


� Once the conversation has finished, it's
too late to say the things you left out.


� Regularly summing up what you've said can
transform the quality and accuracy of your
conversations - and instantly eliminate many
of the knock-on problems caused by
misunderstandings.


� Don't just listen to the words, listen to the 'music'
as well, including body language and voice quality.
Also, look for clues in what is not being said.


� Listen with as little prejudice and as few presumptions
as possible. Avoid snap judgments. Let your understanding
develop like the image on a Polaroid film as the information
comes in. Try to avoid responses that are criticisms in
disguise. They are likely to sabotage the conversation.


� Empathy is about demonstrating that you understand.
You can best do this through words that reflect the
other person's meaning. So take care to feed
in plenty of Highlights as you go along.


� Be willing to recognize when you don't understand
or need to know more. The other person
will respect you for your efforts.


� If you're not clear, try, try and try again.
It may not be your 'fault' that you're feeling
fuzzy. It could be that the other person's thoughts
are unclear. Encourage them to be concrete and
specific about all the ingredients of their story.


� From time to time, feed back a summary
of your understanding to confirm
that you've got it right.


� The best decisions are those people reach for
themselves. So be lean on the advice but generous with
the help and support. Men in particular feel the need
to solve other people's problems - especially those of
their partners. This can cause friction when all the
partner wants to do is unload her day's experiences.


� If a conversation is failing to work because of negative
feelings on either side, deal with this issue separately.


� It's an important way to establish and demonstrate
our closeness to people. Also, gossiping is good for you.
It helps you stay in touch with the details that
make daily life easier to organize.


� Offer helpful feedback based on a straightforward
description of the behavior and its impact. Before
you offer advice or guidance, always make
sure you have enough information.


� Being genuine is at the heart of
all worthwhile communication.

Picture of the Day

Picture of the Day

Says it all!!!

Entertainment Night

It was entertainment night at the senior center
and the Amazing Claude was topping the bill.
People came from miles around to see the famed
hypnotist do his stuff. As Claude went to the
front of the meeting room, he announced:

"Unlike most hypnotists who invite two or three
people up here to be put into a trance, I intend
to hypnotize each and every member of the
audience."

The excitement was almost electric as Claude
withdrew a beautiful antique pocket watch from
his coat. "I want you each to keep your eye on
this antique watch. It's a very special watch. It's
been in my family for six generations.

He began to swing the watch gently back and
forth while quietly chanting, "Watch the watch,
watch the watch, watch the watch..."

The crowd became mesmerized as the watch
swayed back and forth, light gleaming off its
polished surface.

Hundreds of pairs of eyes followed the swaying
watch, until, suddenly, it slipped from the
hypnotist's fingers and fell to the floor, breaking
into a hundred pieces.

"Shit!" said the Hypnotist...

It took three weeks to clean up the senior center.

Picture of the Day

My Dream Car

Picture of the Day

Do Just One Brave Thing Today...

...Then run like hell!!!

The Males Commandments

Thou shalt not rent Sleepless in Seattle.

When on a fishing trip with the guys, never, no matter how sunburned you and your buds may be....is it appropriate to rub sunscreen on each other's backs.

When queried by a buddy's wife, girlfriend, mother, father, priest, shrink, dentist, accountant, or dog walker, you need not and should not provide any useful information whatsoever as to his whereabouts. You are permitted to deny his very existence.

If a man's zipper is down, that's his problem--you didn't see nothin'.

Any man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his fellow party goers.

When in need to go pee, there is a minimum of one empty urinal between you and another man. If this is not possible, you're out of luck----hold it 'til later.

You may exaggerate any anecdote told in a bar by 50% without recrimination; beyond that, anyone within earshot is allowed to call you on it. (Exception: When trying to pick-up a girl, the allowable exaggeration rate rises to 400%).

Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.

If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off-limits forever, unless you actually marry her.

The minimum amount of time you have to wait for another guy who's running late: five minutes. Maximum waiting time: six minutes. For a girl, you are required to wait 10 minutes for every point of hotness she scores on the classic 1-10 scale.

Things that you can always cheat on: your taxes, the SAT's, and your resume. 


Things you can never cheat on: golf, darts, and poker.

A friend must be permitted to borrow anything you own----weed whacker, car, firstborn child----within 12 hours' notice. If he damages the item, he must repair it within seven days, even if it means selling his plasma. Exception: If you don't notice the damage at the hand-off, he gets away scot-free.

It is OK to cry only during the following situations: When a heroic dog tries to save his master; The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse; After wrecking your boss' Ferrari; One hour, 12 minutes, and 37 seconds into The Crying Game; When you accidentally slice off your head in a bandsaw.

You cannot rat out a coworker who shows up at work with a massive hangover. You may, however, hide the aspirin, smear his chair with Limburger cheese, turn the brightness dial all the way down so he thinks his monitor's broken, and have him paged over the loudspeaker every seven minutes.

Do not torpedo single friends: If you're married and a pal drops by with a date, do not, even after your sixth vodka, blurt out, "So when are you two gonna walk the plank?" Punishment: Following the assembly instructions for your rugrat's toys for two years.

On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines the pit stops, not the weakest.

Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.

Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to pick a Buffalo wing clean.

Unless he murdered someone in your immediate family, you must bail out a friend within 12 hours.

No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. (In fact even remembering your best buddy's birthday is strictly optional).

The universal compensation for buddies who help you move is beer. The reward formula is as follows: (hours of labor) x (number of boxes) x (flight of stairs) divided by dollars, in hundreds, of damage to belongings = beers owed. Bonus for the friend who owns the truck: first crack at the hot new neighbor chick.

You must offer heartfelt and public condolences over the death of a girlfriend's cat, even if you secretly set it on fire and threw it into a ceiling fan.

If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his choice of beer.

Unless you have signed a lucrative endorsement contract, do not appear in public wearing more than one Nike swoosh.

When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may always ask the score of the game in progress; but you may never ask who's playing.

When your girlfriend/wife expresses a desire to fix her whiny, loser friend up with your pal, you may give her the go-ahead only if you'll be able to warn your buddy and give him time to prepare his excuse about joining the priesthood.

Phrases that may not be uttered to another man while lifting weights: "Yeah, baby, push it!"; "C'mon, give me one more! Harder!"; "Another set and we can hit the showers."; "Nice ass. Are you a Sagittarius?"

It is permissible to order a fruity chick drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach....and it's delivered by a topless model....and it's free.

When in a bar with a ratio of more than five waiting customers per bartender, limit orders to beer and straight liquor. (No, your girlfriend doesn't need a frozen flying grasshopper with a twist of grapefruit).

Only in a situation of mortal peril are you allowed to kick another member of the male species in the "family jewels."

Never talk to a man in the bathroom unless you're on equal footing: both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations, an almost imperceptible "I recognize you" nod is all the conversation you need.

A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.

The third, fourth, and fifth rules of Fight Club: If your buddy is outnumbered, outmanned, or too drunk to defend himself, you must jump into the fight. Exception: If during the past 24 hours his actions have caused you to think "What this guy need is a good butt-whipping." You may then stand back and enjoy.

Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.

Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both. That's just plain mean.

If one guy is already singing along with a song on the car radio, you may not chime in, even if it's the chorus to "Wooly Bully."

Never join your girlfriend or wife in dissing a buddy of yours, except when she's withholding sex pending your response.

Playing Around...

Pussyfoot is one of my favorite cartoon characters...

What Do Your Eyes Reveal About You?

You scored as Diamond Eyes.

You are full of confidence; just don't let it go
to your head. It's great to know you're worth
it, isn't it? Just remember those of us down
here. You are probably quite popular.

What Do Your Eyes Reveal About You?(PICS!)
created with QuizFarm.com

Panic Disorder Overview

Imagine this: you've just entered your office building. You're headed for the elevator at a trot--maybe a little late. You punch the button. Suddenly you feel an intense sense of foreboding; followed by raw fear. Something terrible is about to happen. You feel as if you may die the next second.


The elevator doors open. But you're too frightened to get on. You stand there in the lobby with your heart pounding, barely able to breathe. Other office workers file past you, looking back over their shoulders to see if something is wrong.


Something is. What's happened and what happens regularly to one in fifty people is a panic attack, the "crisis phase" of panic disorder. The crushing fear of the panic attack most often passes after a few minutes, but in its wake it leaves a residue of uneasiness: when might the panic come again?


"I'm just freaking out and I feel like my body's freaking out. I mean the shaking and the breathing and the sweats, and the heart and the pain in the chest--I feel like I'm going to have a heart attack or something. Except I never do..."

Panic Disorder Sufferer

The Attack

Everyone has anxious times. Modern life, with its pace, its pressures to perform and produce, and its difficult relationships, seems at times almost to be a factory for stress. But the normal life's normal strains are not the stuff of panic disorder. The panic attacks stemming from the illness often strike in familiar places where there is seemingly "nothing to be afraid of." But when the attack comes, it comes as if there were a real threat, and the body reacts accordingly. Surroundings can take on an unreal cast, and a combination of symptoms sparks like the current in a cross-wired fire alarm: the heart races, breathing gets shallower and faster, the whole nervous system signals: DANGER. The person suffering under this barrage may be convinced he or she is having a heart attack or stroke, or that he or she is going crazy or going to die.


Researchers have determined that panic attacks are usually classified as being part of a panic disorder if they occur frequently (one or more times during a given four-week period) and are accompanied by at least four of the following symptoms:

• Sweating
• Shortness of breath
• Heart palpitations
• Chest discomfort
• Unsteady feelings
• Choking or smothering sensations
• Tingling
• Hot or cold flashes
• Faintness
• Trembling
• Nausea or abdominal distress
• Feelings of unreality
• Fears of losing control, dying, or going insane

Not all attacks or all people have the same symptoms
The sense of danger and physical discomfort the attacks bring is so intense that many interpret them as the precursors of a heart attack or stroke, or the product of a brain tumor. Consequently, many panic disorder sufferers show up in emergency rooms where doctors unfamiliar with the illness judge that the patient is in no danger and send them home. This embarrassing process may repeat itself many times if the proper diagnosis isn't made.

"Most of my attacks came on when I was on the subway, and it got to the point where I couldn't take the subway anymore and it was affecting my work because I would be out of work a lot from not being able to take the subway. But eventually, I made myself take the subway, though I still experienced the attacks." (Panic Disorder Sufferer)

Trying to Avoid More Attacks

Once a panic disorder sufferer's first attack begins to ebb, he or she may be tempted to believe it was a fluke. The EKG showed nothing untoward; the emergency room doctor said to go home and get some rest, that he or she was probably only overtired. The jagged emotions seem like a dim memory until the next time.


When another attack does come, the panic disorder sufferer naturally begins to search for a cause. Often, he or she will begin to avoid situations or places where episodes have occurred. He or she may stop going to the ballpark, or avoid driving or riding elevators, since these activities seem to be triggers. The sufferer may even become reclusive, reasoning that it's better to suffer alone than to endure the attacks in the open where there's no escape from the fear and humiliation and little chance of help. This paring away of accustomed patterns is called phobic avoidance. It may help temporarily with the fear of the attack and its accompanying loss of control, but it makes a normal home and work life nearly impossible. It steals the savor from life. And it doesn't keep the attacks from happening.


Untreated panic disorder can produce other side effects. Fear of the fear the attacks bring, or anticipatory anxiety, can be one unfortunate outgrowth. The sufferer never knows when another attack will come, and is always steeled for it. Studies have shown that agoraphobia, literally "fear of the marketplace," is often coupled with panic disorder. It can drive those with panic disorder to skirt public places, though paradoxically they fear being alone. This pattern may progress to the point that the panic disorder victim fears leaving his or her home without a trusted companion, or fears leaving home, period. Obviously this is wearing to the sufferer's family and friends. Those who must leave the house for the office can also suffer front a sort of agoraphobia which leaves them shackled to their route between home and office, unable to deviate from their workaday pattern.


Confined to such a limited lifestyle which puts so much strain on relations with friends and family, panic disorder sufferers also more easily become prey to depression and its complications than does the average person. Recent studies have suggested also that two out of three people with panic disorder also experience depression over their lifetime. Also, panic disorder sufferers often further complicate their illness with drug and alcohol abuse. This form of "self medication" is sadly ironic: researchers believe that drugs or alcohol themselves pull down mood and worsen anxiety, condemning the victim of panic disorder to a downward spiral of anxiety, depression, and more panic.

"But the thing that made me so frightened, I think, was just not knowing what was wrong with me." (Panic Disorder Sufferer)

What's Behind the Attack

Psychiatric research into the causes of panic disorder has been on the rise in recent years. Surveys have shown that more women than men are afflicted with panic disorder by a ratio of approximately two to one--and that panic disorder knows no racial, economic, or geographic boundaries. Because its victims often hide their illness and because healthcare professionals often do not diagnose it, it is difficult to gauge how widespread panic disorder is in the general population. In a recent study by the National Institute of Mental Health, 10 percent of those interviewed reported having had spontaneous panic attacks. The best recent estimate of those with panic disorder places the number of Americans suffering with panic disorder or phobias at 13 million. Apart front the very real suffering the disorder inflicts, the illness costs billions of dollars per year in the U.S., figured in terms of health care expenses, disability benefits, and lost wages. And as the disorder is more widely recognized and researched, those numbers may well climb.


While many studies have examined the emotional components of panic disorder, more recent studies have shown that panic disorder's roots are physical as well as psychological. Researchers have found that panic disorder runs in families, a fact which supports the idea that the condition may pass genetically from generation to generation. To explore this possibility, scientists are pursuing several promising lines of biological study, looking into the brain for clues to the causes of panic disorder. Scientists are studying the brain's chemistry to find out if panic comes from a problem with that organ's complex chemical communications system, the neurotransmitters. Other groups are examining the brain's structure to see if a problem there might cause information from the senses to short-circuit, triggering the panic reflex. Still another group is looking into the effect on the brain of various chemical compounds, such as sodium lactate and carbon dioxide.


Many people who do not have panic disorder may have an occasional panic attack during periods of severe stress. But those with panic disorder have the attacks even after the stressful conditions have gone. The disorder typically begins when its victims are in their twenties. Often a serious event-such as the death of a parent or divorce will kick off the first attack.

"I went to [my family] doctor and he did a number of tests. He thought at first I had multiple sclerosis, but he ruled that out, finally, and said he wasn't sure what I had. So he sent me to a neurologist. The neurologist also did a number of tests and finally gave me a diagnosis of "non-specific idiopathic neuropathy." I asked him what that was and he didn't give me much of an explanation. He just said that maybe I should see a psychiatrist." (Panic Disorder Sufferer"

Getting Treatment

Panic disorder has been called one of the great impostors among illnesses because it is so easily mistaken for other medical or psychiatric problems, such as heart disease, thyroid problems, respiratory problems, or hypochondriasis. Those afflicted with the condition may trudge from doctor to doctor seeking help, and may even give up the hope of a cure, doubting their sanity. That's when a psychiatrist -- who is a specially trained medical doctor -- can help. Psychiatrists' training equips them to interpret correctly the symptoms of panic disorder, make a diagnosis, and treat the illness.


As with any other psychiatric illness, a psychiatrist will first ensure the patient has had a thorough physical exam. The psychiatrist will also try to piece together a complete knowledge of the patient's background, history of drug use (or abuse), and treatment history to gain the complete understanding needed to begin helping the panic disorder sufferer. The fact that other disorders--such as depression and agoraphobia--can exist along with panic disorder makes this process very important for the treatment program. If the treatment program is to help, it must address all the panic disorder sufferer's problems.


Researchers in government, the universities, and industry are working to expose the roots of the illness and are designing more effective means of diagnosing, treating, and controlling panic disorder. Today, psychiatrists treating panic disorder have a number of medicines and therapies they can use to help their patients. The psychiatrist will first seek to ease panic disorder's symptoms with education about the illness, medications if warranted, and behavioral treatment techniques such as relaxation training. Once the psychiatrist has helped the patient to make the symptoms less threatening, he will then help the patient to work against the agoraphobia, anticipatory anxiety, depression, and other ills these panic symptoms have themselves produced. Psychiatrist and patient will then continue to work together on the ongoing consequences of the illness and any other problems that nay exist side-by-side with (and often hidden by) panic disorder.


The most successful treatment programs combine three main forms of therapy: medication, cognitive and behavioral treatment. A number of medications that have worked well against depression also work against panic disorder, helping front 75 to 90 percent of its sufferers. These medications include tricyclic antidepressants, MAO inhibitors, and other drugs from the benzodiazepine group of minor tranquilizers. Preliminary evidence indicates there are more medications that will prove useful in treating the illness.


The cognitive and behavioral elements of treatment usually begin with education about the illness and encouragement to reenter situations to which the patient has become phobic along the history of the illness. Psychiatrists will then proceed with several forms of psychotherapy that help patients to change how they think (cognitive therapy) and how they act (behavioral therapy). Behavioral therapists are using desensitization techniques in which they teach panic disorder sufferers relaxation exercises and then gradually expose them to situations they have phobically avoided, teaching them to modify their breathing and to "reshape" their fearful thoughts to avoid panic attacks. They have found that, since panic disorder exists both alone and in tandem with depression and agoraphobia, they must modify treatment to fit individual cases. Follow-up treatment can also include in-depth psychodynamic psychotherapy that helps the patient to deal with the long-term consequences of the illness, which may have gone for years untreated.


Effective treatments and ongoing research are bringing new hope for recovery to sufferers of panic disorder. And continuing medical education is helping more and more physicians to recognize the disorder and get patients the help they need. Earlier diagnoses are significantly reducing the complications of untreated panic disorder and, with appropriate psychiatric treatment, nine out of ten sufferers will recover and return to normal life activities.

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(c) Copyright 1989 American Psychiatric Association
Produced by the APA Joint Commission on Public Affairs and the Division of Public Affairs. This document contains text of a pamphlet developed for educational purposes and does not necessarily reflect opinion or policy of the American Psychiatric Association.

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Additional Resources

Agras, M.W. Panic: Facing Fears, Phobias, and Anxiety. New York: W.H. Freeman, 1985.
Beck, Aaron, M.D. Anxieties and Phobias. New York: Basic Books, 1985.
DuPont, Robert L., M.D. Phobia: A Comprehensive Summary of Modern Treatments. New York: Brunner Mazel, 1982.
Goodwin D.W., M.D. Anxiety. New York: Oxford University Press, 1986.
Gorman, J.M., M.D., M.R. Leibowitz, M.D., and D.F. Klein, M.D. Panic Disorders and Agoraphobia. Kalamazoo, MI: Current Concepts in Medicine, 1984.
Greist, John H., M.D., James W. Jefferson, M.D., and Isaac M. Marks, M.D. Anxiety and Its Treatment: Help Is Available. Washington, DC: American Psychiatric Press, Inc., 1984.
Pasnau, Robert 0., M.D. Diagnosis and Treatment of Anxiety Disorders. Washington, DC: American Psychiatric Press, Inc., 1984.
Sheehan, David, M.D. The Anxiety Disease and How to Overcome It. New York: Charles Scribner & Sons, 1984.
Taylor, C. Barr, M.D. and Bruce Arnow, Ph.D. The Nature and Treatment of Anxiety Disorders. New York: Free Press, 1988.
Zane. Manuel D., M.D. and Harry Milt. Your Phobia. Washington, DC: American Psychiatric Press, Inc., 1984.
National Phobia Treatment Directory (Second Edition). Rockville, MD: Phobia Society of America, 1986.
Other Resources
American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry
(202) 966-7300
American Mental Health Fund 2735 Hartland Road, Suite 335 Merrifield, VA 22081
Freedom From Fear
(718) 351-1717
National Alliance for the Mentally Ill
(703) 524-7600
National Association of Private Psychiatric Health Systems
(202) 393-6700
National Community Mental Health Care Council
(301) 984-6200
National Institute of Mental Health Division of Communications
(301) 443-3673
National Mental Health Association
(703) 684-7722

Anxiety Disorders Association of America
(301) 231-9350

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