Cats & Dogs

EXCERPTS FROM A DOG'S DAILY DIARY:

08.00AM Oh boy! Dog food! My favorite!
09.30AM Oh boy! A car ride! My favorite!
09.40AM Oh boy! A Walk! My favorite!
10.30AM Oh boy! Getting rubbed and petted! My favorite!
11.30AM Oh boy! Dog food! My favorite!
12.00PM Oh boy! The kids! My favorite!
01.00PM Oh boy! The yard! My favorite!
04.00PM Oh boy! To the park! My favorite!
05.00PM Oh boy! Dog food! My favorite!
06.00PM Oh boy! Playing ball! My favorite!
06.30PM Oh boy! Watching TV with my master! My favorite!
08.30PM Oh boy! Sleeping in master's bed! My favorite!

EXCERPT FROM A CAT'S DAILY DIARY:

Day 183 of My Captivity: My captors continue to taunt me with
bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh
meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that
keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction
I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture.

Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant. Today my attempt to kill my
captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost
succeeded; must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to
disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced
myself to vomit in their favorite chair. Must try this on their bed.

Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in an
attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to
strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended
about what a good cat I was. (Hmmmm, not working according to plan).

There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed
in solitary confinement throughout the event. However, I could hear
the noise and smell the food. More importantly, I overheard that
my confinement was due to my power of "allergies." Must learn what
this is and how to use it to my advantage.

I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches.
The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return.
He is obviously a half-wit. The bird, on the other hand, has got
to be an informant, and speaks with them regularly. I am certain
he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the
metal room, his safety is assured. But I can wait, it is only
a matter of time....