Thoughts To Ponder

Do not eat natural foods. I used to eat a lot
of natural foods until I learned that
most people die of natural causes.

Gardening Rule: When weeding, the best way
to make sure you are removing a weed and not a
valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out
of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.

The easiest way to find something lost around
the house is to buy a replacement.

Never take life seriously.
Nobody gets out alive anyway.

There are two kinds of pedestrians:
the quick and the dead.

An unbreakable toy is useful
for breaking other toys.

If quitters never win and winners
never quit, then who is the fool who
said, "Quit while you're ahead?"

Health is merely the slowest possible
rate at which one can die.

The only difference between a
rut and a grave is the depth.

Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day;
teach that person to use the Internet and
they won't bother you for weeks.

Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday,
lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder
these days, no one talks about seeing UFO's like they used to?

Whenever I feel blue,
I start breathing again.

All of us could take a lesson from the weather;
it pays no attention to criticism.

Why does a slight tax increase cost you $200
and a substantial tax cut save you 30 cents?

In the 60's, people took acid to make the
world weird. Now the world is weird and
people take Prozac to make it normal.

How is it that one careless match can start a forest
fire but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?