Funny Bumper Stickers

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

You can do more with a kind word and a gun than with just a kind word.

He who laughs last thinks slowest.

I tried sniffing Coke once, but the ice cubes got stuck in my nose.

You're just jealous because the voices are talking to me and not you!

I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.

Things are more like they are now than they ever were before.

Double your drive space. Delete Windows!

Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

Corduroy pillows: They're making headlines!

Could you drive any better if I shoved that cell phone up your ass?

Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me, either. Just leave me alone.

What's the speed of dark?

I get enough exercise just pushing my luck.

A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.

99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

It's lonely at the top, but you eat better.

What's the speed of dark?

Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks

Timing has an awful lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance.

Oh Lord, give me patience, and GIVE IT TO ME NOW!

Give me ambiguity or give me something else.

Good judgment comes from bad experience and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.

Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy.

Smile, it's the second best thing you can do with your lips.

Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.

Jesus loves you, but everyone else thinks you're an asshole.

Very funny Scotty, now beam down my clothes.