| Your Summer Ride is a Toyota Prius |
![]() Sure you're a little sensible and quite green. But no one enjoys outdoors more than you do! |
"People think it must be fun to be a super genius, but they don't realize how hard it is to put up with all the idiots in the world." ~Calvin & Hobbes~
Sunday, August 28, 2005
What's Your Summer Ride?
Thursday, August 25, 2005
VIRGO: August 24th - Sept. 22nd
Surrounded by her corresponding colors of navy blue, dark green and brown, the Virgo Fairy stands beneath her ruling planet Mercury. With the Virgoan symbol tattooed on her forehead, she clutches a staff fashioned in the shape of the planet Mercury's symbol. In her other hand, she holds acorns, commonly linked to this Zodiac sign, as Cat's Ear, the Virgoan flower, frames this piece.

Virgo Symbolism
Ruling Planet: Mercury
Element: Earth
Symbol: The Virgin
Flowers: Cat's Ear, Acorns
Colors: Navy Blue, Dark Green, Brown
Gemstone: Sardonyx
Traits: Intelligent, Modest

Virgo Symbolism
Ruling Planet: Mercury
Element: Earth
Symbol: The Virgin
Flowers: Cat's Ear, Acorns
Colors: Navy Blue, Dark Green, Brown
Gemstone: Sardonyx
Traits: Intelligent, Modest
Sunday, August 21, 2005
What Color Should Your Blog or Journal Be?
| Your Blog Should Be Purple |
![]() You're an expressive, offbeat blogger who tends to write about anything and everything. You tend to set blogging trends, and you're the most likely to write your own meme or survey. You are a bit distant though. Your blog is all about you - not what anyone else has to say. |
Monday, August 15, 2005
What Women Need
It is important to have a man who has a job and
who helps you around the house.
It is important to have a man who makes you laugh.
It is important to have a man you can count on and
doesn't lie to you.
It is important to have a man who is good in bed
and loves making love to you.
It is important that these four men don't know
each other.
who helps you around the house.
It is important to have a man who makes you laugh.
It is important to have a man you can count on and
doesn't lie to you.
It is important to have a man who is good in bed
and loves making love to you.
It is important that these four men don't know
each other.
Saturday, August 13, 2005
Sharing...
A little old couple walked slowly into a McDonalds one cold winter evening.
They looked out of place amid the young families and young couples eating there that night.
Some of the customers looked admiringly at them. You could tell what the admirers were thinking: "Look, there is a couple who has been through a lot together, probably for 60 years or more!"
The little old man walked up to the cash register, placed his order with no hesitation and then paid for their meal. The couple took a table near the back wall and started taking food off of the tray. There was one hamburger, one order of French fries and one drink.
The little old man unwrapped the plain hamburger and carefully cut it in half. He placed one half in front of his wife. Then he carefully counted out the French fries, divided them in two piles and neatly placed one pile in front of his wife. He took a sip of the drink, and then his wife took a sip as the man began to eat his few bites.
Again, you could tell what people around the old couple were saying: "They were used to sharing everything."
Then the crowd noticed that the little old lady still hadn't eaten a thing. She just sat there watching her husband eat and occasionally sipped some of the drink. A young man came over and begged them to let him buy them another meal.
The lady explained that no, they were used to sharing. As the little old man finished eating and was wiping his face neatly with a napkin, the young man could stand it no longer and asked again.
After being politely refused again, he finally asked the little old lady, "Ma'am, why aren't you eating. You said that you share everything. What is it that you are waiting for?"
She answered,
THE TEETH
They looked out of place amid the young families and young couples eating there that night.
Some of the customers looked admiringly at them. You could tell what the admirers were thinking: "Look, there is a couple who has been through a lot together, probably for 60 years or more!"
The little old man walked up to the cash register, placed his order with no hesitation and then paid for their meal. The couple took a table near the back wall and started taking food off of the tray. There was one hamburger, one order of French fries and one drink.
The little old man unwrapped the plain hamburger and carefully cut it in half. He placed one half in front of his wife. Then he carefully counted out the French fries, divided them in two piles and neatly placed one pile in front of his wife. He took a sip of the drink, and then his wife took a sip as the man began to eat his few bites.
Again, you could tell what people around the old couple were saying: "They were used to sharing everything."
Then the crowd noticed that the little old lady still hadn't eaten a thing. She just sat there watching her husband eat and occasionally sipped some of the drink. A young man came over and begged them to let him buy them another meal.
The lady explained that no, they were used to sharing. As the little old man finished eating and was wiping his face neatly with a napkin, the young man could stand it no longer and asked again.
After being politely refused again, he finally asked the little old lady, "Ma'am, why aren't you eating. You said that you share everything. What is it that you are waiting for?"
She answered,
THE TEETH
Having Delusions?
An old couple go to the doctor for their yearly physicals.
One-at-a time the doctor brings them into the examination
room, starting with the husband. "Well, Mr. Smith, you're
in great shape for a man your age," says the doctor. The
man replies, "Well doc, I don't drink, I don't smoke, and
the good Lord looks out for me."
"What do you mean?" asks the doctor. The old man replied,
"For instance, last night in the middle of the night, I
had to get up to go to the bathroom -- and the good Lord
turned on the light for me so I wouldn't fall down." And
when I left, the good Lord turned the light out for me"
"That's nice," said the confused doctor. "Please send
your wife in now, please." The wife comes in and the
doc says, "Your husband is in great shape, but I think
he is starting to have some delusions"
"What are you talking about?" says the wife.
Your husband was just telling me that he had to get up
to go to the bathroom -- and the good Lord turned on the
light for him so he wouldn't fall down." And when I left,
the good Lord turned the light off for him.
"Oh, She smiled," she said, "I guess that explains who's
been peeing in the fridge.
Top 15 Things To Say If Caught Sleeping At Your Desk
15. "They told me at the blood bank this might happen."
14. "This is just a 15 minute power-nap like they raved about
in the last time management course you sent me to."
13. "Whew! Guess I left the top off the liquid paper"
12. "I wasn't sleeping! I was meditating on the mission
statement and envisioning a new paradigm!"
11. "This is one of the seven habits of highly effective people!"
10. "I was testing the keyboard for drool resistance"
9. "Actually doing a "Stress Level Elimination Exercise
Plan" (SLEEP) I learned at the last mandatory seminar you
made me attend.
8. "I was doing a highly specific Yoga exercise to relieve
work-related stress. Are you discriminatory towards people
who practice Yoga?"
7. ""Darn! Why did you interrupt me? I had almost figured
out a solution to our biggest problem."
6. "The coffee machine is broken...."
5. "Someone must've put decaf in the wrong pot."
4. "Boy, that cold medicine I took last night just won't
wear off!"
3. "Ah, the unique and unpredictable circadian rhythms of
the workaholic!"
2. "Wasn't sleeping. Was trying to pick up contact lens
without hands."
1. And the #1 best thing to say if you get caught sleeping
at your desk: "Amen".
14. "This is just a 15 minute power-nap like they raved about
in the last time management course you sent me to."
13. "Whew! Guess I left the top off the liquid paper"
12. "I wasn't sleeping! I was meditating on the mission
statement and envisioning a new paradigm!"
11. "This is one of the seven habits of highly effective people!"
10. "I was testing the keyboard for drool resistance"
9. "Actually doing a "Stress Level Elimination Exercise
Plan" (SLEEP) I learned at the last mandatory seminar you
made me attend.
8. "I was doing a highly specific Yoga exercise to relieve
work-related stress. Are you discriminatory towards people
who practice Yoga?"
7. ""Darn! Why did you interrupt me? I had almost figured
out a solution to our biggest problem."
6. "The coffee machine is broken...."
5. "Someone must've put decaf in the wrong pot."
4. "Boy, that cold medicine I took last night just won't
wear off!"
3. "Ah, the unique and unpredictable circadian rhythms of
the workaholic!"
2. "Wasn't sleeping. Was trying to pick up contact lens
without hands."
1. And the #1 best thing to say if you get caught sleeping
at your desk: "Amen".
Something To Make You Laugh!!!
One Sunday, in counting the money in the weekly offering, the pastor of a small Florida church found a pink envelope containing $1000. It happened again the next week. The following Sunday, he watched as the offering was collected and saw a little old lady put the distinctive pink envelope in the plate.This went on for weeks until the pastor, overcome by curiosity, approached her.
"Ma'am, I couldn't help but notice that you put $1,000 a week in the collection plate," he stated.
"Why yes," she replied, "every week my son sends me money, and I give some of it to the church."
The pastor replied, "That's wonderful, how much does he send you?"
The old lady said, "$10,000 a week."
The pastor was amazed. "Your son is very successful; what does he do for a living?"
"He is a veterinarian," she answered.
"That is an honorable profession," the pastor said. "Where does he practice?"
The old lady said proudly, "In Nevada. He has two cat houses in Las Vegas and one in Reno."
"Ma'am, I couldn't help but notice that you put $1,000 a week in the collection plate," he stated.
"Why yes," she replied, "every week my son sends me money, and I give some of it to the church."
The pastor replied, "That's wonderful, how much does he send you?"
The old lady said, "$10,000 a week."
The pastor was amazed. "Your son is very successful; what does he do for a living?"
"He is a veterinarian," she answered.
"That is an honorable profession," the pastor said. "Where does he practice?"
The old lady said proudly, "In Nevada. He has two cat houses in Las Vegas and one in Reno."
21 Things To Do
ONE. Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully.
TWO. Marry a man/woman you love to talk to. As you get older, their conversational skills will be as important as any other.
THREE. Don't believe all you hear, spend all you have or sleep all you want.
FOUR. When you say, "I love you," mean it.
FIVE. When you say, "I'm sorry," look the person in the eye.
SIX. Be engaged at least six months before you get married.
SEVEN. Believe in love at first sight.
EIGHT. Never laugh at anyone's dream. People who don't have dreams don't have much.
NINE. Love ! deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it's the only way to live life completely.
TEN. In disagreements, fight fairly. No name calling.
ELEVEN. Don't judge people by their relatives.
TWELVE. Talk slowly but think quickly.
THIRTEEN. When someone asks you a question you don't want to answer, smile and ask, "Why do you want to know?"
FOURTEEN. Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk.
FIFTEEN. Say "bless you" when you hear someone sneeze.
SIXTEEN. When you lose, don't lose the lesson
SEVENTEEN. Remember the three R's: Respect for self; Respect for others; and responsibility for all your actions.
EIGHTEEN. Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship.
NINETEEN. When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.
TWENTY. Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in your voice.
TWENTY-ONE. Spend some time alone.
A true friend is someone who reaches for your hand and touches your heart.
TWO. Marry a man/woman you love to talk to. As you get older, their conversational skills will be as important as any other.
THREE. Don't believe all you hear, spend all you have or sleep all you want.
FOUR. When you say, "I love you," mean it.
FIVE. When you say, "I'm sorry," look the person in the eye.
SIX. Be engaged at least six months before you get married.
SEVEN. Believe in love at first sight.
EIGHT. Never laugh at anyone's dream. People who don't have dreams don't have much.
NINE. Love ! deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it's the only way to live life completely.
TEN. In disagreements, fight fairly. No name calling.
ELEVEN. Don't judge people by their relatives.
TWELVE. Talk slowly but think quickly.
THIRTEEN. When someone asks you a question you don't want to answer, smile and ask, "Why do you want to know?"
FOURTEEN. Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk.
FIFTEEN. Say "bless you" when you hear someone sneeze.
SIXTEEN. When you lose, don't lose the lesson
SEVENTEEN. Remember the three R's: Respect for self; Respect for others; and responsibility for all your actions.
EIGHTEEN. Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship.
NINETEEN. When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.
TWENTY. Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in your voice.
TWENTY-ONE. Spend some time alone.
A true friend is someone who reaches for your hand and touches your heart.
Friday, August 12, 2005
Don't You Wish You Could Do This?
The phone rang as I was sitting down to my anticipated
evening meal, and as I answered it I was greeted with,
"Is this Wilhiam Wagenhoss?" This didn't sound anything
like my name, so I asked, "Who is calling?" The telemarketer
said he was with The Rubberband-Powered Freezer Company or
something like that and then I asked him if he knew "Wilhiam"
personally and why was he was calling this number.
I then said off to the side, "Get really good pictures of
the body and all the blood." I then turned back to the
phone and advised the caller that he had entered a murder
scene and must stay on the line because we had already traced
this call and he would be receiving a summons to appear in the
local courthouse to testify in this murder case.
I then questioned the caller at great length as to his name,
address, phone number at home, at work, whom he worked for,
how he knew the dead guy, and could he prove where he had
been about one hour before he made this call.
The telemarketer was getting very concerned and his answers
were given in a shaky voice. I proceeded to tell him we had
located his position at his work place and the police were
entering the building to take him into custody. At that point,
I heard the phone fall and the scurrying of his running away.
My wife asked me as I returned to our table, why I had tears
streaming down my face and so help me, I couldn't tell her
for about fifteen minutes. My meal was cold, but oh-so-very
enjoyable.
evening meal, and as I answered it I was greeted with,
"Is this Wilhiam Wagenhoss?" This didn't sound anything
like my name, so I asked, "Who is calling?" The telemarketer
said he was with The Rubberband-Powered Freezer Company or
something like that and then I asked him if he knew "Wilhiam"
personally and why was he was calling this number.
I then said off to the side, "Get really good pictures of
the body and all the blood." I then turned back to the
phone and advised the caller that he had entered a murder
scene and must stay on the line because we had already traced
this call and he would be receiving a summons to appear in the
local courthouse to testify in this murder case.
I then questioned the caller at great length as to his name,
address, phone number at home, at work, whom he worked for,
how he knew the dead guy, and could he prove where he had
been about one hour before he made this call.
The telemarketer was getting very concerned and his answers
were given in a shaky voice. I proceeded to tell him we had
located his position at his work place and the police were
entering the building to take him into custody. At that point,
I heard the phone fall and the scurrying of his running away.
My wife asked me as I returned to our table, why I had tears
streaming down my face and so help me, I couldn't tell her
for about fifteen minutes. My meal was cold, but oh-so-very
enjoyable.
Women Are Like Apples...
Women are like apples on trees. The best ones are at the
top of the tree. Most men don't want to reach for the
good ones because they are afraid of falling and getting
hurt. Instead, they just take the rotten apples from the
ground that aren't as good, but easy...
The apples at the top think something is wrong with them,
when in reality, they're amazing. They just have to wait
for the right man to come along, the one who's brave enough
to climb all the way to the top of the tree.
Share this with other women who are good apples, even those
who have already been picked.
Now Men...Men are like a fine wine. They begin as grapes,
and it's up to women to stomp the shit out of them until
they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.
George Carlin On Martha Stewart.
George Carlin said it best about Martha Stewart.
"Boy, I feel a lot safer now that she's behind bars.
O.J. Simpson, Michael Jackson, and Kobe Bryant are
still walking around; Osama Bin Laden too, but they
take the one woman in America willing to cook, clean,
and work in the yard, and haul her ass off to jail."
"Boy, I feel a lot safer now that she's behind bars.
O.J. Simpson, Michael Jackson, and Kobe Bryant are
still walking around; Osama Bin Laden too, but they
take the one woman in America willing to cook, clean,
and work in the yard, and haul her ass off to jail."
Oil Change Instructions
Oil Change Instructions for Men:
1) Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy a case
of oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree,
write a check for $50.00.
2) Stop by 7 - 11 and buy a case of beer, write a check for
$20, drive home.
3) Open a beer and drink it.
4) Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
5) Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.
6) In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
7) Place drain pan under engine.
8) Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
9) Give up and use crescent wrench.
10) Unscrew drain plug.
11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil on
you in process. Cuss.
12) Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil off of face
and arms. Throw kitty litter on spilled oil.
13) Have another beer while watching oil drain.
14) Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench.
15) Give up; crawl under car and hammer a screwdriver through
oil filter and twist off.
16) Crawl out from under car with dripping oil filter splashing
oil everywhere from holes. Cleverly hide old oil filter among
trash in trash can to avoid environmental penalties. Drink a beer.
17) Buddy shows up; finish case of beer with him. Decide to finish
oil change tomorrow so you can go see his new garage door opener.
18) Sunday: Skip church because "I gotta finish the oil change."
Drag pan full of old oil out from underneath car. Cleverly dump
oil in hole in back yard instead of taking it back to Kragen to recycle.
19) Throw kitty litter on oil spilled during step 18.
20) Beer? No, drank it all yesterday.
21) Walk to 7-11; buy beer.
22) Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of
oil to gasket surface.
23) Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
24) Remember drain plug from step 11.
25) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
26) Remember that the used oil is buried in a hole in the back
yard, along with drain plug.
27) Drink beer.
28) Shovel out hole and sift oily mud for drain plug. Re-shovel
oily dirt into hole. Steal sand from kids sandbox to cleverly cover
oily patch of ground and avoid environmental penalties. Wash drain
plug in lawn mower gas.
29) Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor.
Throw kitty litter on oil spill.
30) Drink beer.
31) Crawl under car getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe eyes with
oily rag used to clean drain plug. Slip with stupid crescent wrench
tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame.
32) Bang head on floorboards in reaction to step 31.
33) Begin cussing fit.
34) Throw stupid crescent wrench.
35) Cuss for additional 10 minutes because wrench hit bowling trophy.
36) Beer.
37) Clean up hands and forehead and bandage as required to stop blood flow.
38) Beer.
39) Beer.
40) Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.
41) Beer.
42) Lower car from jack stands.
43) Accidentally crush remaining case of new motor oil.
44) Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil
spilled during steps 23 - 43.
45) Beer.
46) Test drive car.
47) Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence.
48) Car gets impounded.
49) Call loving wife, make bail.
50) 12 hours later, get car from impound yard.
Money spent:
Parts $50.00
DUI $2500.00
Impound fee $75.00
Bail $1500.00
Beer $40.00
Total - - $4,165.00
But you know the job was done right!!!
**********************************************************
Oil Change instructions for Women:
1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 miles
since the last oil change.
2) Drink a cup of coffee.
3) 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly
maintained vehicle.
Money spent:
Oil Change $20.00
Coffee $1.00
Total $21.00
1) Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy a case
of oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree,
write a check for $50.00.
2) Stop by 7 - 11 and buy a case of beer, write a check for
$20, drive home.
3) Open a beer and drink it.
4) Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
5) Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.
6) In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
7) Place drain pan under engine.
8) Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
9) Give up and use crescent wrench.
10) Unscrew drain plug.
11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil on
you in process. Cuss.
12) Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil off of face
and arms. Throw kitty litter on spilled oil.
13) Have another beer while watching oil drain.
14) Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench.
15) Give up; crawl under car and hammer a screwdriver through
oil filter and twist off.
16) Crawl out from under car with dripping oil filter splashing
oil everywhere from holes. Cleverly hide old oil filter among
trash in trash can to avoid environmental penalties. Drink a beer.
17) Buddy shows up; finish case of beer with him. Decide to finish
oil change tomorrow so you can go see his new garage door opener.
18) Sunday: Skip church because "I gotta finish the oil change."
Drag pan full of old oil out from underneath car. Cleverly dump
oil in hole in back yard instead of taking it back to Kragen to recycle.
19) Throw kitty litter on oil spilled during step 18.
20) Beer? No, drank it all yesterday.
21) Walk to 7-11; buy beer.
22) Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of
oil to gasket surface.
23) Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
24) Remember drain plug from step 11.
25) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
26) Remember that the used oil is buried in a hole in the back
yard, along with drain plug.
27) Drink beer.
28) Shovel out hole and sift oily mud for drain plug. Re-shovel
oily dirt into hole. Steal sand from kids sandbox to cleverly cover
oily patch of ground and avoid environmental penalties. Wash drain
plug in lawn mower gas.
29) Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor.
Throw kitty litter on oil spill.
30) Drink beer.
31) Crawl under car getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe eyes with
oily rag used to clean drain plug. Slip with stupid crescent wrench
tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame.
32) Bang head on floorboards in reaction to step 31.
33) Begin cussing fit.
34) Throw stupid crescent wrench.
35) Cuss for additional 10 minutes because wrench hit bowling trophy.
36) Beer.
37) Clean up hands and forehead and bandage as required to stop blood flow.
38) Beer.
39) Beer.
40) Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.
41) Beer.
42) Lower car from jack stands.
43) Accidentally crush remaining case of new motor oil.
44) Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil
spilled during steps 23 - 43.
45) Beer.
46) Test drive car.
47) Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence.
48) Car gets impounded.
49) Call loving wife, make bail.
50) 12 hours later, get car from impound yard.
Money spent:
Parts $50.00
DUI $2500.00
Impound fee $75.00
Bail $1500.00
Beer $40.00
Total - - $4,165.00
But you know the job was done right!!!
**********************************************************
Oil Change instructions for Women:
1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 miles
since the last oil change.
2) Drink a cup of coffee.
3) 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly
maintained vehicle.
Money spent:
Oil Change $20.00
Coffee $1.00
Total $21.00
Thursday, August 4, 2005
Monday, August 1, 2005
Alex's School
Windhaven July 4th Weekend
Windhaven July 4th Weekend - The Dogs Have Taken Over
Windhaven in June 2005
Dallas AKON 2005
Spring Break at the Dallas Aquarium
In April we went to the Dallas Aquarium the Theme was Mundo Maya. I finally made time to post the pictures. Most of the pictures were taken by Alex.

Some of the under water creatures

Snakes and frog

Penguins

Penguins and...

Flamingos & Leopard

Closer Shot of the Leopard

Sea dragon

Fish

Sea dragons are so pretty

More fish

The Mayan Dancers performing a Rain Dance

The Mayan Dancers with us.

Some of the under water creatures

Snakes and frog

Penguins

Penguins and...

Flamingos & Leopard

Closer Shot of the Leopard

Sea dragon

Fish

Sea dragons are so pretty

More fish

The Mayan Dancers performing a Rain Dance

The Mayan Dancers with us.












































